All Men Are Not The Same
It is no secret that I wanted to address the issue of love and how as men, women sometimes misunderstand us. I was unsure of how to proceed, so I thought I'll be straightforward with my readers, especially the ladies.
ALL MEN ARE NOT THE SAME.
Phew...there I said it, and I am not to taking it back. A female friend once told me that the "all men are the same/men are dogs" syndrome resulted from the new feminist movement of man-hating. I refuse to believe this. I am not saying that men don't do awful things or that being cautious is a bad idea. But I refuse to believe that this is a movement because I know women who I consider feminist that do not subscribe to this belief.
By the way, we should all be feminists. Again, I just said that. Sure haters will say I'm trying to win brownie points. So what? It's not like I can use any of these points.
Ladies, you might be thinking well he must not be one of the bad ones if he is this confident. Wrong. I have caused my share of heartbreaks, some intentional and others just out of sheer stupidity. I am addressing this topic because I fear it's getting worse each day and as a result, preventing some great people from venturing out there. The kicker to all this is, there's always that woman or group of women who claim to know men more than we know ourselves.
He may be a man
but he's not your ex...
Usually, when women use these phrases, they're most likely holding on to some resentment from a previous or even current relationship. Oh did he hurt you? Did he break your heart, lied to you, promised you the world? I'm sorry to burst your bubble but so did she. In fact, she went a step further and promised she'll never leave. You don't see me going around labelling every woman as the same. I may not be perfect, but neither was she.
Let's get this straight; you can never know a person more than he or she knows himself or herself. There are no ifs, buts, or ands to this period!!! Now you might remember a particular type of guy because that's the type of guys you're attracted to or attract. Don't mistake that for some degree in the study of the male species (manology). This fictional study was created by individuals who do not want to accept that they either chose the wrong men or forgot that people sometimes do stupid things.
You might be one of the women above reading this right now and just rolling your eyes at me. It's okay, roll them all you want but here are some facts of life:
- People will hurt you.
- People will lie.
- People will do stupid and dumb things.
To make matters worse,
- Some might even do these things to you several times, though they claim to love you and want you in their lives.
- Some do like you and are trying to be better for you but are just unfortunate and kept getting themselves into unnecessary things.
- Some of these people happen to be men. The rest are women, Oh my God you didn't see that coming did you?
So he cheated, does that automatically make the next guy a cheater? Be serious people. I'll be the first to tell you that my actions in no way represent what the next guy will do and I am no saint. I've had my share of stupid moments and have contributed to this idea that "all men are the same." This is the reason why as soon as you meet a person that doesn't fit your idea of men, you start feeling unsure or thinking he's there to trick you. Granted some men were born tricksters but so are some women these are the risks you have to take if you are ever to find the right partner.
Another problem in the relationship arena, especially in the black community, is that of self-fulfilling prophecies. Indulge me a minute here people. You've found the "right guy," and he's doing everything you expected him to do but you just have a nagging feeling that he will leave so you do little things to "protect" yourself. Eventually, he leaves, not because of cheating but because he felt unappreciated. Instead of trying to fix the relationship, you'll hear "he said he loved me but left" or "I knew he was not honest" or "I had a gut feeling it was too good to be true."
Yes, it was too good to be true because you did not believe in what you guys shared as much as he did so you sabotaged it. When you get a good man, he's not man enough, he's too sensitive, or things are just too good to be true. If you want a bad boy, get one. When the bad boy breaks your heart, it's because he's a man. You cannot have a good man but want the rush a bad boy gives you. You cannot use one man as your safety net but go out to the clubs to party with the wild boys. Eventually, your safety net will break. Who am I kidding; you are never going to listen to me. I am just another man.